Child Behavior, Child Development And Child Discipline

Child Discipline: 6 Tips Every Parent Must Implement

If there is one thing that every parent can agree on in regards to rearing and disciplining children, it is this: that it is very hard, extremely important, takes constant effort, and is of course rewarding and totally worthwhile. ‘Why’ we need to love, teach, and even discipline children is not questioned, it is the ‘how’ that causes confusion, disagreements, and where the true challenge lies.

Perhaps what is most important to keep in mind, at the outset, is that no two parents are alike. Likewise, no two children are alike. And everyone’s situation and circumstances are different. What may work for some, might not work for others. What is considered ‘right’ by most, may be seen as ‘wrong’ by a few. And that is perfectly fine! We thus need to stop worrying about what others say, do, or don’t do, and put forth effort and focus on trying to teach, raise, and discipline our own children the ‘right’ way according to our own beliefs, situations, circumstances, personalities, and different children’s needs.

However, with that said, I personally feel there are a few things that every parent should implement while rearing and disciplining their child(ren). These are general and essential principles that must be applied regardless of Parenting styles, children’s personalities, beliefs, location, or other circumstances.

1) Time Is A Friend: Every parent who has walked this planet has become frustrated, disappointed with a child’s choice, stressed or tired, been disobeyed, and even hurt or ignored at times by their children. Often in such moments, the parent seeks to teach or discipline – and rightfully so – but reacts immediately during the moment of their frustration, disappointment, or anger. Wise is the parent who rather than acting immediately, will perhaps send the child to their room while they calm down, collect their thoughts, and allow TIME to respond appropriately. Then, the disciplining and teaching can still be firm, but it will be done in a loving and calm way with a desire to teach and help.

2) Parents Must Be United: I understand that there are many homes and families that do not have two parents; but for those that do, this advice is absolutely essential. Dad and Mom must be totally united in their disciplining approach, rules, leniency, and consequences. The moment one becomes more strict or lenient, or especially if both disagree in front of the children about the rules or consequences, the child has won (or more properly phrased – the child will actually eventually lose … or be lost).

3) To Spank or Not To Spank: Let’s be clear about two things: First, in regards to spanking, there is no right or wrong answer – no black and white. The answer to this question is so different for every parent, and it may be ‘right’ for one parent and ‘wrong’ for another. And that is ok! Secondly, we must be clear about the difference between spanking and abuse. Softly spanking to simply let a child know they are in trouble and to teach them is certainly different than lashing out angrily in an abusive way. However, it is absolutely essential to ensure children undoubtedly know that if they choose to disobey, there will be consequences. Now, I have purposely chosen not to answer the actual question at hand – that is because the answer must come from you. For some parents’ style and circumstances, spanking may be ok so long as it never is abusive or done in anger. If, however, you choose not to spank, you also must ensure that there are appropriate consequences for every action, and to never be so soft that children manipulate and walk all over you.

4) Consequences Are a Result of the Child’s Actions: There once was a wise father who handed the keys of his car to his teenage son, before the son was to head out on a date with his girlfriend. The father said: “here are my keys son. This car is yours until midnight. If it is back in the driveway at midnight, you essentially have chosen the reward of using my car again next weekend. However, if you choose to be home a minute late, you have also likewise chosen the consequence of never using my car again.” True story – and wise counsel. The beauty of the story is that here was a loving dad who established rules, communicated those rules, and also set forth specific rewards and consequences of following those rules. But more importantly, he taught that it was the son’s choice – and any reward or consequence was a result of the son’s choice – not merely because those ‘are the rules.’

5) Follow Through With Consequences … and Rewards: In relation to the point above, after clearly establishing and communicating the rewards and consequences to your children, ensure that you enforce them. In the example of the teenager above, if the rule is that they can’t use the car if they come home after midnight, then enforce that if they are late. Love your child enough to teach, discipline, and help them realize the reality of real life – that there are consequences for our actions. The moment we ‘give in’ or become lenient, children quickly learn how to disregard rules, manipulate situations, and eventually get into trouble.

6) Discipline With Love – And Only Out of a Desire to Teach: If our disciplining is done out of anger, frustration, or simply to prove dominion or power – it not only is ineffective, but could potentially result in the exact opposite behavior we are trying to enforce. Alternatively, every time we discipline, it must be out of love, done with love, and only for the desire to help and teach. 

In your disciplining efforts, will you make mistakes? Of course! Will you lose your patience at times? Everyone does! Learn from these mistakes, develop patience, and allow time to calm down before responding. Most importantly, DO IT! Will your children complain when they are Disciplined and live with the consequences of THEIR actions? Of course! But they also will thank you in years to come that you loved them enough to not only be firm and have rules, but more importantly, disciplined them out of love only with a desire to teach, raise, and help them. 

About the Author

Matt is the founder of http://www.Tips4Families.com/ – a website full of helpful Parenting Advice, fun games and activities, traditions and holiday ideas, and tips and articles for families everywhere. Matt is also the author of: “Great Games! 175 Games & Activities for Families, Groups, & Children.” To view the book and learn more, visit: http://www.GreatGamesBook.com/

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